I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
