I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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