Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
