the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
