ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
