I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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