I wish I could teleport
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
