oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
