I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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