So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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