you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
