Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
