you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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