i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
