this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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