How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
