And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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