I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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