it's like iHOP with fire
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
