Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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