when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
