If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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