Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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