So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
