Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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