and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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