she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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