Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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