My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
