I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
