I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
