she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
