Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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