Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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