I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
