Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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