Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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