Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
