i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
