I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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