Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize