I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
