we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
