is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
