I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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