Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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