We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
