My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
