If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
