hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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