What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
