Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
