We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
