I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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