The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
