so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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