MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
