Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
