someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize