Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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