My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
