i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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