The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
