Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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