i think my tv is drunk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
