You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
