i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize