If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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