we have pet lesbian snakes
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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