I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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