Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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