I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
