i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
